My goal lately? Simply, to be a better person.
This week I’ve been trying to do that by decreasing my phone time. This means a lot of things. I’m not crazy – I use my phone for a whole bunch of things, and at least for now I don’t plan to give it up intensively. But, I was catching myself with habits that weren’t doing me any good. I get in bed and check every social media and news app that I have on my phone. I don’t really even use social media! Just checking. Then once I’ve gotten through all the updates, I loop back and do it again! Nuts. I used to love to read. Kids + intensive training with two residencies back-to-back, split with a chief year and capped off with an ICU fellowship …. Made that challenging. Nonetheless, here I am, reading nothing. Apps and meaningless updates and social media stories. I mean, those things are fine! But because I had this insane habit, I was sleeping less, not falling asleep well, and missing out on something I enjoyed: reading books. I’ve got a stack of them just waiting for me…I’ll update as I get through them.
On a far more important note, I am also missing out on meaningful events at home. And with little kids, the super-cool Daddy events will be gone before I know it. And the ones that happen fly by at a mile a minute while I try to do the three other things I’m also doing at any given moment. I read a New York Times post here, and realized I am guilty of many of the habit-based phone checks. Get on elevator? Check the phone. Walking from the OR to the office? Phone check. Sit down for a conference, 5-minutes late? Better pull out the phone immediately. At home, it’s far more injurious. Preschooler needs some water, or a quick snack? Grab my phone, you never know whether I’ll need it for the 12-foot trip to the pantry.
So, I decided to start easy (also known as “lazy”) – I would not pick up my phone by habit. I would think a little more mindfully about when I was picking up my phone: do I really need to confirm that I have no new emails? Is Instagram more important than this?
And I realized that, although I may have some dumb habits, I’m not totally dumb! It wasn’t all that hard to keep the phone off. I can’t pretend I didn’t glance at the homescreen more than I’d like, but I’m a work in progress, and it’s not hopeless!
And I noticed what other people who have truly taken the plunge and eliminated their phones have recognized: I am more aware. More mindful. And honestly, more peaceful. I sit on an elevator and breath. It has had this odd effect on the rest of my life. This morning, I drove to work with the music off and just thought. It was calming and relaxing because I was comfortable with quiet. My phone’s constant buzzing, beeping, immediate updates, senseless updates and bright fancy lights had made me an addict to the Stimulant. Well, I’m not all the way better yet, but I made it a little farther this week. Isn’t that what’s most important? Better than yesterday.